Demisexual is a sexual orientation where a person needs to have an emotional connection to feel sexual attraction. Now, who exactly is Demisexual? What are the characteristics? How do you know if you are one? We will find out.
What is Demisexuality?
Demisexuality refers to a sexual orientation in which an individual needs to establish an emotional connection with someone before feeling sexually attracted to them.
This means that demisexual individuals do not experience primary sexual attraction, which is the initial attraction that many people feel when they see someone they find physically attractive.
Instead, demisexuals only experience secondary sexual attraction, which develops over time as they form an emotional bond with someone.
How is Demisexuality Different from Other Sexual Orientations?
Unlike other sexual orientations such as heterosexuality, homosexuality, or bisexuality, demisexuality is not defined by the gender of the individuals that one is attracted to.
Instead, it is defined by the presence of an emotional connection. This means that demisexual individuals can be attracted to people of any gender, as long as they have formed an emotional bond with them.
Demisexuality: Understanding the Meaning and Implications
Demisexual people are different in the sense they would need an emotional connection to feel sexually attracted to someone. It is not like being heterosexual, gay, or lesbian.
The difference lies in the emotional aspect and does not matter who you are attracted to. It is a gender-fluid term, and anyone can be demisexual, whether one is straight, gay, or bisexual.
It is normal for someone to feel attracted to a hot guy in a coffee shop or randomly like a girl in the mall. This is not the case with the demisexual individual.
They will not get attracted to someone physically, irrespective of how they look. No celebrity crushes for demisexual people exist.
There is no primary attraction which means no attraction in the first meeting. They only experience secondary attraction, which happens over the due course after they form an emotional bond with a person.
To clarify it further, forming an emotional bond does not necessarily mean they are sexually attracted, but they need to connect with someone to go on to feel sexually attracted to them.
There are other terminologies that are frequently used for demisexuality including Gray-A, hypersexual, semi-sexual, and asexual-ish. All these can also be used to identify demisexuality.
Demisexual people don’t need to be romantically inclined to have a sexual relationship.
They could also feel attraction in a friendship or other close relationships. The time taken for an emotional bond to form may also vary from person to person.
Some may be able to bond quickly with someone, while others may take a fair share of time to connect with someone.
Bottom Line
Demisexuality might be confusing for someone who goes through the absence of sexual attraction. Even once you identify you are demisexual, it might be exasperating to explain what it is to society and your family.
If you feel the need to come out and inform your family and friends, it is your choice. Try to give them some resources including studies, articles, and videos, to understand you better.
Whatever your sexual orientation is, it does not define you and you have every right to live happily as per your choice.
Frequently Asked Questions
Que – Who is a demisexual person and how do I know if I am one?
Ans – Demisexuality is when one does not feel physical attraction and can only feel attraction with someone they have an emotional connection with. If you are confused and feel you are demisexual, you can ask these questions to yourself to understand your orientation.
- How important is sexual attraction to me?
- Do I feel attracted to random people or celebrities?
- How well do I need to know the person to feel sexual about them?
- In the past relationship, was I physically attracted before knowing them well?
Answering these questions may help you understand your sexuality. You can also consult a sexologist if you cannot decide for yourself, and the confusion leads to feelings of frustration or anger.
Que- How is demisexuality different from asexuality?
Ans – Asexuality is the sexual orientation where one is incapable of feeling any sexual attraction whatsoever. However, demisexual people are capable of feeling sexual connection once they form an emotional bond. Lack of sexual attraction, in general, puts demisexuality under the umbrella of asexuality but is different.
Que – Is demisexuality the same as having low libido?
Ans – Demisexuality can be mistaken for low libido due to the lack of interest in sex. Low libido can be a medical issue and might happen due to various reasons. Demisexuality, on the other hand, is a type of sexual orientation where one does not feel sexually inclined toward someone in the first meeting. They need to form a bond before having any sexual feelings. A demisexual person may not be able to build strong sexual feelings even after forming an emotional bond.
Que – Why does demisexuality need a label?
Ans – It is crucial to be able to identify yourself in a bracket when what you are feeling might overwhelm you. It is to fall into the category and understand what exactly you feel. It helps you identify your sexual orientation and connect with a bigger community that might help you understand the condition better. It helps you feel normal and less lonely.
Que – Can demisexual people be in a relationship?
Ans – Being in a relationship or not is a choice that a demisexual person makes and does not define them. Some may choose to form a relationship but not feel an emotional connection with time. They might choose to have sex or not once the bond is formed. There are no rules that define demisexuality, and the degree and choices will vary from one person to another.