Relationships are what adds spice to our life. In this fast-paced era, where everyone remains glued to their mobile phones, relationships continue to play a significant role in our lives.
But have you ever wondered, why do you behave a certain way? Or what defines your reactions or your thought process in a relationship?
We are here to shed some light on the origin of relationship patterns. So, let’s get into it.
To make sense of it all, key points were made by Dr. Daniel Siegel and Mary Maine. They help us understand our younger years and how they affect us now. Also they help describe how we must explore it all so in the future we can healthy relationships.
Relationships – How do patterns form?
Relationships are often complex and an interplay of emotional, physical, social, and financial quotient.
We all know someone who reacts in a certain way or is attracted to someone with specific qualities. Toxic people turn on some people, irrespective of how bad it can be for them.
There are particular reasons why that happens. Let’s cover it in the following points.
Early experiences in childhood
Little do we realize what can a child imbibe from people around them. The truth is incidents from childhood usually leave an indelible mark on a child’s brain.
Children carry these experiences further and usually seek to fill in the voids. If one is raised in an emotionally fulfilling atmosphere, chances are they will have the ability to form healthy connections.
On the other hand, if you are neglected as a child, you might showcase insecure emotional patterns.
There is a deep connection between your childhood and your relationships in adulthood, especially your attachment style comes from early experiences.
Family Dynamics
A lot of what we are today can be credited to the kind of family you might have lived in your early years.
A child closely examines the relationship between parents and takes the first idea of an ideal relationship from them.
If one is brought up in a family where emotional needs are met, chances are you will carry on the same in your relationships.
However, in a family where there is conflict and tension, you might take it to your adult relationships. Most of the feelings and apprehensions stem from childhood.
Will I be loved? Will someone take care of me? Do I deserve love? And the list goes on.
These questions can be answered based on your upbringing and environment.
Societal influence
Although childhood memories make the most of your adult attachment pattern, societal influence also plays an important part.
Cultural norms and expectations can define the nature of your relationships. If you live in a modern society, you might believe in independence and nuclear setup, which further affects your relationships.
However, if you live in a place where women are not given much freedom or it is male-dominating, your relationship and beliefs might be totally different.
The role of society also projects gender roles and your behavior with your partner.
Role of Internet
The Internet is causing drastic changes in the quality of relationships. Today, we spend more time on our phones than with people sitting next to us. It has created gaps in relationships and usually drifts partners apart.
The Internet also plays a role in getting unrealistic expectations from our partners. For obvious reasons, the expectations are not met, which causes further harm.
Easier accessibility to explicit content has a negative impact on relationships in the younger generation. They do not know the right things to expect from their partners and usually fall prey to false projections.
Self-perception
The nature of relationship patterns also comes from your feelings towards yourself. Your confidence and self-esteem are crucial determinants of your attitude towards other people.
If you are confident in your skin, you will probably look at everyone with the same eye and build healthier relationships with people around you.
If some reason is affecting your self-esteem, it may cause you to step back from interacting with people, potentially hindering the initiation of a happier relationship.
How can you redefine your relationship pattern?
Well, it may seem like a daunting task, to change your true self, but it is not impossible. You have full right to come out of your past and build a better future.
Your baggage will make most of your current decisions, but it is totally in your hands to put a stop to it. And you should make sincere efforts to change the course of your life.
Here are a few things you can do to make the change:
Deal with your past: Reflect on your early experiences and make the required changes. It is advised to seek therapy if required and identify the hidden ideology.
It will help you break the cycle and introduce new patterns. Having a newer perspective can help you adopt a few changes that can enhance the quality of your relationships.
Shifting dynamics – To move forward, it is crucial for you to deal with the ingrained family dynamics and make the required changes. If possible, you can try to talk to your close ones and initiate the required changes.
If that is not possible and you fail for some reason, start working on yourself and identify the problem. You can take the help of a therapist if need be.
Understanding the root cause can aid in dealing with your tendencies and might help you identify the point where it all goes wrong for you.
Media interference – You need to put a stop to the over-involvement of gadgets in your life to build stronger relationships.
To begin with, decide on spending quality time with your partner. Appreciate your partner and go on frequent dates and vacations to strengthen your relationship.
It will also help in better understanding of each other and will fortify the respect and love between partners.
You also need to work on getting a reality check, maybe from a friend or a counselor, if you believe too much in the projected pictures on the internet.
Younger men fall prey to peer pressure and often start believing that they are less endowed. It is vital for you to consult a sexologist to have better clarity about appropriate sizes. It will also help you deal with performance anxiety.
Breaking the stigma – It is natural for you to lead your life the way society or your parents have taught you. However, it is wise for you to understand the need for breaking through and adapting newer changes with time.
Equip yourself to differentiate between right and wrong and make your life decisions.
It can start with being honest and transparent with your partner and listening to them with an open mind. Proper communication can resolve the majority of conflicts and help you choose common life goals.
Bottom Line
Our relationship patterns often derive from childhood experiences, self-worth, society, culture, and peers. It is crucial for us to shamelessly accept our shortcomings and take the required steps to deal with them.
You might face consistent failures in relationships due to your specific attitude. It does not have to be this way, and you can change it in adulthood with the help of a psychologist; if you are facing any sexual issues, then you can visit a sexologist doctor for better sexual health.
Therapy will decipher your psychology and further help in overcoming the issues at ground level.
It might be high time for you to give it a serious thought and do the needed work to lead a fulfilling life.