Every relationship, from that of a couple to one involving friends comes with it’s own share of fights and tiffs. Although you may not like the fight or the turn that the fight may take, you must prepare yourself for such eventualities.
On a more positive note, research has shown that fights have the ability make a relationship stronger and livelier. Since disagreements and fights are inevitable in a relationship, the parties involved need to fight fairly in order to preserve the health of the relationship.
Always hear out your partner, respect each other and make room for compromise. However, there are times when fights become more frequent and nasty, making it very difficult for you or your partner to continue with the relationship. Under such a scenario, it may be wise to end the relationship but before it reaches that stage here are 5 things you should avoid doing after a relationship squabble.
1. Don’t force a truce, if it is not genuine
If you choose to patch up the differences with your loved one, make sure the decision you make is honest and sincere and not meant to hoodwink your partner into agreeing to a false promise. This is very important because trying to make things look normal while in reality, you are simply masking the problem could eventually compound the situation and make the relationship worse and unbearable for both of you.
This is very important because trying to make things look normal while in reality, you are simply masking the problem could eventually compound the situation and make the relationship worse and unbearable for both of you.
And if your partner is asking for forgiveness from deep inside their heart, try and put yourself in a position to forgive them even though you are still maybe upset with them.
2. Do not focus your energy on the cause of the fight
One common mistake that couples in a relationship do immediately after a fight is focusing their efforts on the very issue that triggered the fight. This is a wrong way of dealing with the problem because it is likely to fuel more arguments and hurt the health relationship in the long term by building mistrust.
Focusing too much on the issue of contention may also create grounds for more disagreements, something that may cause the relationship to be untenable.
Focusing too much on the issue of contention may also create grounds for more disagreements, something that may cause the relationship to be untenable.
3. Avoid bring up past hurt
After a fight with your significant other, always avoid bringing up disagreements or missteps from the past few days, months or even years. Whenever you bring up past hurt into your arguments or indiscretion, it shows you are an individual who is unable to let go of a grudge or one who is not keen on cultivating positive things about your relationship.
Some of the behaviours that can make a relationship spiral include physical abuse, name calling, screaming at your partner and pointing fingers at every opportunity. To act maturely in order to preserve your relationship, it is important to let some things go.
4. Avoid the silent treatment
The Silent treatment is one of the oldest and most hurtful coping strategies that couples deploy after a fight. Most people use the silent treatment to shut their partners out and also to create a sense of self-importance; inferring that it is your partner who should grovel back to you to apologise or make amends.
This strategy should be avoided at all cost because it is very unhealthy for the relationship.
One way to overcome this challenge is to let your partner know that he or she is an important part of your life and you only that you need some time alone to reflect on the issue of contention. When the time comes to patch up things, let your partner know that you are not in a position to tolerate abuses.
5. Allow things to cool down naturally
When there is a fight or a breach of peace in a relationship, avoid the temptation of rushing to sort things out because both of you need time to cool off the fires surrounding your relationship. This will allow the natural healing process to kick in as you ponder about the indiscretion and reflect on your next course of action. In addition, some disagreements require more time and serious thought before any patching up can be done to save the relationship. The strategy is especially critical if you or your partner is short tempered.