15 Ways for better Sex Life

Impotence. The word somehow sounds like failure, weakness. If you feel that you are impotent, you may also feel that you have somehow lost part of your dignity, your masculinity, your wholeness. There are many degrees of erctile difficulties. Some men may be able to achieve an erection, but are not able to maintain it. Others become erect, but not extremely rigid. Still others only have problems when they are with a new partner or with a long-time partner. And of course, there are those who cannot achieve an erection at all. Do not despair. You may be suffering from a physical or emotional problem (or both) for which there are definite solutions. If your problem is of an emotional nature, the following tips may help. If your erectile problem arise from a medical condition, there are now many new surgeries and therapies that can help restore your sexual health. What ever the nature of your problem, remember that almost every man has difficulties with erection at some time in his life. You are not abnormal, nor are you alone. There is no need to suffer in silence. Don’t let embarrassment keep you from sexual health and happiness.

REMOVE THE PERFORMANCE DEMAND.

It’s not unusual for a man to have an occasional episode of impotence, after drinking alcohol or after a particularly stressful day. However, if he places too much emphasis on the incident and harbors fear that it may happen again, the anxiety itself may become a cause of erectile difficulties. Some men engage in thinking that distracts them or take away from their sexual performance. Generally, sex therapists teach them behavioral exercise that take the performance demand out of the situation and relieve the anxiety about having to get an erection. One strategy that sex therapists often use is to have couples abstain from intercourse altogether, telling them instead to engage in cuddling and nonsexual touch. Gradually, over a period of weeks or months , depending on the couple, the partners work toward more sexual touching, then intercourse. The idea is to make sex a less-threatening experience.

BREAK OUT OF A ROUTINE.

One problem in people’s sex lives is that they get into certain ruts and routines and they don’t have much novelty. For example they always have sex at 11:30 at night with the lights off, with the same foreplay, and so on . Their sex lives are relatively invariant. Soon, their partner becomes about as exciting to them as a flounder. They can change their sex lives by incorporating some variety- go to a hotel or a different setting. Vary the routine. Buy your wife some new lingerie. In short, spice up your sex life.

LEARN TO RELAX.

Stress, arising either from performance anxiety or from other life situations, can also be a culprit in erectile problems. Regardless of the cause, it’s difficult to enjoy yourself when you’ve got too much on your mind. Relaxation exercises are helpful. Deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation, where the person consciously tenses and relaxes each part of the body in sequence. In and of itself, as a treatment for impotence, relaxation is not effective but it may be a good first step for someone trying to improve their own functioning.

EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS.

Marital or relationship difficulties are notorious contributors to sexual problems. Anger, resentment, and hurt feelings often spill into the couple’s sex life, turning the bedroom into a battlefield. This situation is especially likely to develop if partners are noncommunicative, therapists agree. You need to verbalize your feelings. Not in term of accusation, such as “you did this”, or , “you did that”, but more like “I felt upset or hurt when you said that.” In other words, use “I” statements, and keep the focus on your feelings, instead of on your partner’s actions. Doing a thorough housecleaning of the relationship, instead of storing up emotional debris, may very well clear the way for a healthier sexual union.

TALK ABOUT SEX.

Some times, erectile problems can come right down to not feeling aroused. In these cases, sex therapists often work to help patients communicate more openly about their sexual relationship. This can be embarrassing area, one that people don’t talk about. Not talking contributes the problem. Sex therapists encourage people to communicate about what they like in sexual situations, so they can get more pleasure and stimulation out of it. Again to avoid defensiveness and hurt feeling, “I” statements are key. Choose to make assertive, rather than aggressive, statements.

DON’T DRINK BEFORE SEX.

Drinking alcohol or being drunk can significantly impair your sexual functioning. Sex and booze don’t mix.

REMEMBER YOUR SUCCESSFUL EXPERIENCES

If performance anxiety has undermined your confidence, thinking about positive sexual relationships or experiences you have had in the past may help boost your self- esteem. It may also convince you that you can have a fulfilling sex life in the future.

INVOLVE YOUR PARTNER. 

Although erectile difficulties originate with the man, they are a couples’ problem and have couples solutions. If the problem is not medical one , there are many strategies that can help. However, your chances for improvement are much better if your sexual partner is involved in the solution. If you are in a committed relationship, you need to develop a strategy to get your partner in there. Convince her that she is the most logical solution to the problem.

KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ABNORMAL.

It can never be stated enough: Having problems with erection does not mean that you are physiologically or psychologically abnormal in any way. It is not your fault. People tend to feel guilty about their sexual problems. Men often feel that, to a certain extent, they have lost their masculinity. It may bring on a significant decline in self-esteem. But the truth is , most men, for one reason or another, experience erectile failure. Even if periodic failure occurs, try not to get too upset about if. Often times, people really come down hard on themselves or have a partner that gets very distressed and feels that it is because they’re unattractive or unwanted. Getting too upset can lead to performance anxiety. Do your best to be open and understanding about the problem.

READ, THEN TALK. 

Many of the sex therapists interviewed for this section said that they were often surprised by their patients’ lack of knowledge about the sex act itself. There is a plethora of helpful written resources out there-books that can help you and your mate solve your problems and work toward a more mutually satisfying sex life. Read the various manuals, the ones that are appropriate, not X-rated material. Read books about sex, even if you don’t choose to go on to try the exercises.

DEVELOP COPING STRATEGIES.

Just as penis size isn’t the measure of sexual prowess, neither is the rigidity of the penis. In a study of 100 healthy, aging couples, there was a decrease in sexual drive as age progressed. There was also a decrease in the rigidity of the penis and in the frequency of intercourse. However, couples who developed coping strategies to bypass these difficulties, by assisting insertion manually or by developing alternative ways of reaching orgasm. Still rated themselves as sexually and martially satisfied. The moral of the story is : Creativity pays off.

SKIP THE APHRODISIACS.

Spanish fly and other so- called aphrodisiacs are usually little more than placebos-sugar pills that do nothing but boost your confidence. But Spanish fly can be very dangerous to use and can even be fatal.

EMPLOY FANTASY.

Many men with erectile problems engage in spectatoring, or constantly observing their own sexual performance. This takes the individual out of the moment and leads to being overly critical. Sex therapists try to set up a situation where the attention is focused someplace else. We also may advise the use of fantasy- focusing on a sexual fantasy that may involve the partner. This helps to minimize spectatoring and enhance sexual arousal.

TRY MASTURBATION.

Performance anxiety is just that –anxiety over performing. But sex between loving partners was never meant to be an off-Broadway production. Don’t forget that while it’s important to please your partner, you’re also there please yourself. Masturbation-bringing yourself to orgasm while you are alone-may be helpful by reteaching you how to achieve your own pleasure (as long as it’s not overdone). The next step is to bring ability into a sexual situation with your partner-changing the focus from performance to mutually pleasurable interaction.

DON’T BE AFRAID TO SEEK HELP

When you’ve tried everything , to no avail, it’s time to seek medical attention. Studies have shown that therapy can significantly improve a couple’s sex life. Where you go is up to you, but do your homework and shop around. The most important thing is to find a qualified sex therapist to get the right solution of your problem.